Belarus Remembers France's Birthday
by rev lady mal
Summary: Belarus wishes France a happy birthday and talks about the first time she met him, and what she learned from that first meeting. This story contains mixing of nation and human names, mild violence and profanity. Characters: belarus, -denmark, -england, -estonia, -france, -holy roman empire, -italy north (veneziano), -italy south (romano), -latvia, -lithuania, -poland, -prussia,


Today is Bastille Day in France, which is also Independence Day. The fun part is this is the day France became a constitutional monarchy and now he's a republic.

The first time I met Francis, the year was 1325. Toris and I had been a nation for about 75 years or so. At the time, I was Toris's secretary and record keeper because he was still a pagan and didn't know how to read or write yet. Our boss, the Grand Duke had invited priests from Poland's church to visit, and they were teaching me Latin. Now I knew how to write in my own language but my church was the eastern church and we used a different kind of writing. Anyway, Toris and I were constantly being harassed by Gilbert in those days, because he was a Teutonic nitwit ... er, knight and had this holy quest to make Toris become a Christian. He called me a schismatic because I didn't go to his church so me being a Christian really didn't count, or some bullshit like that.

A page from the Grand Duke's court delivered a message to me in 1323 asking me to write a letter to the Pope and tell him the Grand Duke wanted to be baptized. Now this floored me, but I was instructed to tell no one, especially Toris. My Latin wasn't the best because I was still learning, but I did the best I could and the page returned and took the letter.

I never heard another word about it until 1325 when we were told the Pope had sent his representatives from France and were on their way to baptize our boss, the Grand Duke. You're probably wondering why the Pope didn't send priests from Rome. That's because at the time the Pope didn't live in Rome, he lived in France. Yes, this caused all kinds of trouble in Western Europe. The Holy Roman Empire was pissed off at Francis because he had no excuse to visit his girlfriend, the Italy Brothers were sending death threats to Francis, and even England decided he would get pissed off about it too and started going to war with France for oh ... about six centuries.

So it was the autumn of 1325 and we had these priests from the Pope coming from France to baptize the Grand Duke. It turned out to be quite a spectacle. Feliks was there, Mathias was there too because at the time Latvia and Estonia were part of the Kingdom of Denmark. We were all assembled in the Grand Duke's court - Me, Toris, Feliks, Mathias, Raivis and Eduard - and we all watched the priests walk into the hall with Francis and Gilbert.

Gilbert for some reason didn't look too happy and at the time I thought that was odd. We found out later that Gilbert was actually in a lot of trouble with the Pope because he had made a truce with Toris and then proceeded to beat up on him afterward. He had made a mess of things with Latvia too, which Mathias had complained about with the Pope.

The only person who wasn't present in the Grand Duke's court was the Grand Duke. The same page who had given me the task of writing the Pope in the first place appeared and told the priests to come back tomorrow, the Grand Duke was unavailable. Everyone started talking at once. The Priests were pissed off about this but what else could they do? There was confusion from everyone and I remember Gilbert and Feliks getting into an argument over something while Mathias smirked at them. Raivis and Eduard were doing their best to casually disappear. Toris stomped off toward the Grand Duke's chambers scowling as usual and I found myself left alone to write down everything that had happened. Being Toris's record keeper, that was my job.

So I wandered off to my little writing desk to quickly write down what happened while I still remembered it, and to my surprise found Francis had followed me. When I looked at him he gave me this very ... dazzling smile I guess I would have to say.

"'allo, what is your name?" He asked.

"I'm Litva," I replied.

"Hmm? I thought Toris was Litva."

I shook my head, "No, I'm Litva, he's Lietuvos."

"I see," his look was thoughtful, "What does Toris call you?"

"Natalia."

He gave me another one of his dazzling smiles, but I noted mischief in his eyes. "Natalia, could you do something for me?"

"That depends," I answered.

"I 'ave something I need to give to Feliks, but ahh, it would not be good if I gave it to 'im, could you do it for me?"

Now if someone asked me would I rather talk to my cousin or be dipped in boiling oil, I don't have to tell you what I would choose. I looked at the thing he held in his hand, a sealed envelope, then back up at him.

"No? 'ow about now?" A very large gold coin appeared on top of the sealed envelope. "Do this, and you can 'ave that all for you!"

As soon as I reached for the coin and the envelope, Francis disappeared. I followed him and saw him grabbing Gilbert's arm and telling him they needed to drink beer to wash the dust from the road out of their throats or some nonsense. Mathias' eyes lit up at the mention of beer and he followed them. Feliks was alone.

I ran up to my cousin and held out the envelope to him. Just then Toris appeared and saw me giving Feliks Francis's letter.

"Eh? What's this, a love letter?" Feliks always teased me. I just frowned at him and watched him read the letter, his eyes getting very big.

"Who gave you a love letter?" Toris asked, scowling as always.

"The Pope!" Feliks answered, grabbing Toris's arm and dragging him from the hall.

I finished my writing and went back to my room to dress for dinner. That night became an impromptu feast, except curiously the Grand Duke was not present. His brothers were there to act as host instead. Very strange. Feliks and Toris were sitting together, drinking beer with their heads close, talking quietly. Gilbert sat with his chair tipped against the wall, watching the tribal chieftains and nursing his beer. Francis had wrapped his arm around the woman who had just set down a platter of freshly carved roast pig and dropped her on his lap. For a party, hardly anyone looked like they were having a good time. I finished my plate of meat and mug of beer and wandered off to bed. Toris was still talking with Feliks and paid no attention to me. That happened often when Feliks was around. Asshole.

The next day everyone once again appeared in the great hall to see the Grand Duke. The priests were there with Francis. Gilbert stood next to him but kept glancing at the chieftains. Feliks and Toris stood together too. Feliks was grinning and Toris looked as though he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. I sat on a stool with my writing desk, ready to make a record of the Grand Duke's response to the priest.

The Grand Duke came into the room and everyone waited until he faced the priests. One of them came forward and asked him. "Do you swear before me that you wish to receive baptism and join the one true church?"

That caused some angry murmurs from the Orthodox priests and the Pagan chieftains standing there.

Gilbert looked at the chieftains, the chieftains were all glaring at the Grand Duke.

The Grand Duke's face became a mask of rage. "The Devil can baptize me!"

And then the Grand Duke walked out of the hall.

It was very quiet. Everyone was stunned. I stopped writing and looked up at Toris, who also looked stunned.

Suddenly, Gilbert growled and had his hand on his sword. "Toris! You did this! Admit it!"

Toris stood when Gilbert confronted him. "W-what are you t-talking about?"

"Gilbert! What are you doing? Don't accuse Toris without knowing the truth." Francis said.

"It had to be him! Who else would do this?" Gilbert snarled. "Stand up Toris! So I can run you through!"

I had been sharpening my quill with the little knife I used, and it was still in my hand. "Leave him alone!" I shouted at him.

Gilbert shoved my writing desk over and pushed me so I fell to the floor. "Get out of the way, you schismatic brat!" He hissed.

Toris's face just then got that look on it that you only saw when he was about to cut someone in half. Everyone really underestimates him, he's not someone to mess with. With his eyes never leaving Gilbert, he slowly drew his sword.

As soon as I saw that face, I leapt up from the floor and stabbed Gilbert in the leg with my little knife.

He stumbled back, howling and holding his leg. Toris blinked and looked at me, then looked at the knife still sticking into Gilbert. He grinned for a moment and sheathed his sword.

I was grabbed from behind and flung to my feet. I looked up to find Feliks glaring at me. "Get out of here now!" He spat and pushed me toward the nearest door.

Francis? He watched from a distance and gave me his dazzling smile again. I ran from the hall and hid for the rest of the day in my room.

After that, the Grand Duke told the priests, Gilbert and Francis to go to Riga and deal with the trouble Gilbert had caused there. Once they were gone, Feliks and Toris started spending most of their time planning for something that Feliks was going to pay Toris lots of money to do. In the winter of 1326 Toris left with an army and attacked Brandenburg.

Yes, this is what France gave me a gold coin to deliver to Feliks: A secret request from the Pope to attack Brandenburg and remove the current Margrave, who was at the time nine years old. It seems the Pope was not happy at all with the Holy Roman Emperor for a number of reasons. Historians still argue today if the Pope really secretly paid Poland to attack.

So what about the Grand Duke sending a letter to the Pope, then refusing baptism? Francis wasn't the only one bribing people. The story goes that the Teutonic Knights bribed the chieftains to threaten death on the Grand Duke if he did become a Christian. I know, you're thinking this is bullshit because the whole point of Gilbert being here was to make Toris convert to Christianity.

Right.

If that actually happened, then what reason would Gilbert have to stick around? Having a heathen to fight with was good for business, if you know what I mean. Anyway, by 1326 Poland, Hungary and Lithuania were at war with the Teutonic order and Brandenburg because they were squabbling over borders and the Pope was mad at the Holy Roman Emperor for putting an infant in charge of Brandenburg.

Anyway, the lesson I learned after this is when France shows up shit's about to get complicated.

Happy Birthday, Francis.

Author's Note: The events Belarus talks about in this story are based on one excellent historical source titled Lithuania Ascending: A Pagan Empire within East-Central Europe by S.C. Rowell. You can own a copy of this book for the bargain basement price of $100.00 dollars used on Amazon. If you don't have that kind of bank burning a hole in your pocket your nearest library should be able to find a copy for you.


End file.
